Dear To My Heart
by Beth Gualda
I was going to write her a love letter and I needed a rose to accompany it.
Father did not protest for he was fast asleep and didn't know I was going above. That was a great relief to me, not having to explain my intentions to the last detail. Defend once more the true nature of the feelings I had for her.
She and I spent the entire evening together by the mirror pool. She sat so close to me and would look at me....and smile and send my heart tripping, tumbling; the blood inside me swirling, making me mad with desire for her. But then, this was nothing new lately. My body was awakening as though from the deepest slumber, hungry, restless. The very sight of her stirred me. The want was all consuming anymore. It was all I thought about.
I didn't know if she realized this. For she continued to torture me, wide-eyed and innocent. Not knowing, (how could she?) what the mere touch of her hand did to my physiology. I wanted her......more than anything, but how could I tell her? How could I approach an angel like her, when my mind was that of a devil's?"
Prose! My close friend. I could always rely on romantic words on paper to convey my loves......and delights. Encouraging her to experience with me, that aspect of love kept in the dark, in more ways than one.
It was a crystal clear night with a blazing full moon. The park was quiet and would provide the perfect ambiance for composing my letter.
I knew of a garden terrace, resplendent with roses. So much in fact, I also knew the gardeners could not possibly detect the absence of one flower and guiltlessly severed a red bud with my nails.
Cradling my prize back to the park, I seated myself under a sloping tree to write.
Dear to my heart....I began, for she was, more than she could ever know. I am unable to find repose tonight for thinking of you. My mind pictures you tirelessly when you are away from me and I do not wish to inhibit it to sleep, even though I know it will continue on in my dreams. You are constantly with me....your essence penetrates me whenever you are close to me, saturating my soul and filling my heart so I cannot possibly miss you. But I do miss you. Just being close to you now and then is not enough anymore to keep my heart from longing for you whenever we are apart. You must know I love you....and I want you to realize at last how you effect me. The need to.......need to....
Sighing with varying frustrations at my sudden writer's block, I paused and allowed that need I was trying to explain ever so delicately, conjure up images in my mind. I closed my eyes momentarily lost in those waking dreams. I put my hand over my heart in a futile effort to steady it.
She was so beautiful....So graceful...and beguiling. How could I even function in her presence? How was I able to remember to breathe? So intoxicating....and spellbinding. She was an enchantress, she had to be, to have such power over me.
..........The desire, the yearning, the ache....from deep inside my body, is all for you. To become so wholly yours in that delectable union of truest love and fiery passions and complete surrender to another's soul.
It is with you I want to give myself and I write this letter in hopes you want to give yourself to me. It will be tender, I promise, for my love for you will guide me....my foremost desire will be for your pleasure........Please.....say yes.
You need not be self conscious...or timid with me. Because I have seen you, I have watched you sometimes when you were unaware and you are so very lovely.........
No, I decided, and scratched the latter part of the letter out. I shouldn't tell her that. She'll flee from me for sure....thinking herself at risk of being taken forcibly as a result of my....well, lust. No, I must convince her I am in complete control and she has no reason to worry.
...........Though my desire for this distracts me endlessly, I don't want to coerce you; that is not the intention of this letter. I want instead to reassure you and encourage you, but if you decide not to accept my offer.....if you feel in any way you are not ready to take such a step with me, I will wait then. I'd wait forever for you. For your love. I know you are worth it.
Let me close with one more gentle plea. Only you can quench these fires, only you can satisfy this hunger....you alone have the power within your heart....and body...to grant me sweet release, my beautiful, beautiful Lisa, and with it, fulfill the rest of my days. With my love always, Vincent.
Satisfied, I quickly recopied the letter in my best penmanship and addressed it with her name; slipping the rose between the pages before sealing it. I kissed it softly and placed it in the folds of my cloak...over my heart.
Surely...this would convince her. Surely.....if she had any mercy...she would not deny me any further. She would realize how much I worship her. She did after all...love me too.